“Praise the Lord, For His mercy endures forever.” – 2 Chronicles 20:21 NKJV
Exactly 8 years ago this month, I gave birth to my third child. Her name was Claire. She was stillborn. It was a faith walk like no other I had ever been on, and didn’t unfold the way I thought it would or should. My faith was rocked at its core when I found out my daughter had passed away and that I actually was going to have to deliver her. The road I went down after I lost her was very dark and lonely. Today, I am healed, restored and on the other side of that journey. Most people know my general story… the obvious parts. Faith, a pastor’s wife, was pregnant again for the third time in three years, with another daughter (yay!), found out something was wrong with the baby, prayed and believed greatly for healing, but at 5 months pregnant had to give birth to an already passed child. She became very sad and then God did a work and she’s great now!
I rarely talk about what happened between the time I had her and when God restored me. It’s an ugly story. We don’t like to talk about that. We like the good parts. But sometimes we have to talk about the bad parts to qualify how good the good parts really are. So between us, I became very bitter and angry which is not a hat I wear well, or maybe I wore it too well. I completely withdrew. I only attended church because I wanted my children to believe in something. I don’t say this casually, I say it with tears in my eyes while writing this, because I am reminded of God’s amazing grace, and how He took me back, but I walked away from my faith.
On the outside, maybe no one knew it, but I was so dead inside and I did my best to not believe in Him anymore. I’ve always loved worship. It was such a huge part of my life. During this time, I decided I would never sing to Him again. Somehow, I was going to punish God, for not doing what I asked.
I’m so thankful that He is bigger than my pain, my anger and my bitterness. I’m so thankful for his patience and forgiveness! It was in the middle of one of our worship services, that I showed up just to support my husband, who was the youth pastor at the time, that God WARRED for me, hunted me down, and gently broke the ugly, hard shell that I had built around my heart. He took me back into his arms, showed me His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts. He forgave me, healed me, and showed me in that moment that the same way he warred for me during that worship service, was the same way I needed to war through every trial in my life.
It was through worshipping my sweet Jesus that my relationship with Him grew again. It’s through worshipping Him that I get through every circumstance in life! He never said it would be easy. He does promise that we will never go at it alone. Trust me, you don’t want to walk through anything in life without Him.
Let worship be your WEAPON. The Bible tells us in Ephesians that we don’t war against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Next time tragedy strikes, or unforeseen circumstances arrive, let your instinct be to worship the One who has already WON the battle. Keep giving, keep serving, keep praying, stay surrendered, and sing to Him at the top of your lungs always!
Take a minute to listen to this song and spiritually fight whatever battle you may be in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoAqymNcBTk
Prayer: Gracious Jesus, I’m overwhelmed when I think about how relentless your love is for me. There’s nothing I can do or not do to make you love me more or less. Forgive me for not always turning to you through the tragedies in my life. I choose, today, to respond in worship through the good and the bad. Whatever might come my way, I choose to look up and lift my hands in surrender because I know you are my constant that keeps me steady. I will fight my battles with worship today and forever! In Jesus Name, Amen.