Every story has a beginning, and my beginning started in January of 2014. Over the last four and half years, I have had 6 pregnancies that have ended in miscarriages. How could anyone be prepared for that?
But I’ve found that God has been prepared for my story from the very beginning of time. He knew me and was waiting, already prepared for me. Because you see, as we are knit together in our mother’s wombs, our heavenly father is gracing us for our stories, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly parts. He knows we live in a fallen world and all the circumstances we will face because of that. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it, in every situation we come across. The trouble comes when we don’t rely on the prepared One to walk us through it.
During our journey with infertility we had options available to us. We could take this into our control and see what we could accomplish on our own, or rely on the promise God had already given us. In the middle of our journey God told me that our legacy would be the proof of God’s faithfulness through our biological children. After this I knew we would be blessed with a baby that would have no other explanation other than God. It can be so easy to take God’s promises into our own hands and try to fulfill it. There are so many examples in the Bible.
Sarah was barren and even though God promised her that she would have children, she intervened and sent her servant Hagar to conceive a child for her with her husband, Abraham. A similar story happened with Jacob and Rachel. Even when we take it upon ourselves to fulfill a God given promise, God always shows up and fulfills it. God ultimately gave Sarah and Rachel the children He had promised them. But because they took control, they had to deal with more than God ever wanted them to have to deal with. When we intervene it brings us pain and consequences we would have never had to go through if we would have simply waited for Him. God told me His promise for me after we lost our fourth baby (Jacob). Waiting is hard, but waiting in full faith on God is so worth it.
I held onto this promise during baby five and six, and now with sweet August. Each and every pregnancy we thought, “This is it, this is the one!”, but God had more for us. He showed us His peace and his love with baby five (Elijah), and He showed us His miraculous healing powers with baby six (precious Shiloh).
This journey is hard and excruciatingly painful at times, but it is also full of warmth and love from my Father. He has graced me not only with this, but for this. We could have given up and stopped all together. Trust me, we have heard it all. “You should adopt!” “Isn’t there some kind of treatment you could do?” “Why on earth do you keep doing this to yourself?” “You just can’t do this again.” Maybe some of that was just in my head, but it sounded real. God’s promise is God’s promise. We knew He would fulfill it if we just stayed faithful in the waiting.
It’s beautiful how God can do anything on His own, but He chose to need us to fulfill His promises. Matt and I just had to choose to not give up. To get to number seven, God’s perfect number, the number of completion, you have to go through a sometimes rough six. When you do your part God always shows up, big time.
I always look back to Ephesians 3:20-21 MSG:
“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.”
I can’t even imagine what God will do through August but I know it’s big, and I will always sit in wonder of how amazing my God is. God’s not been preparing me for this harvest season, but for a generational harvest season through all of my children. In reading this and knowing a little about my story, my prayer for you, is that you cling to those God-given promises. In your struggles and in your hardships, don’t just think God is going to bring you through it, maybe just maybe He has already graced you from the beginning of time for it. Afterall, God can do anything, you know.
Lord God, thank you for bringing me this far. Thank you for knowing me and intricately forming every part of who I am. I know it is only because of Your grace I have made it through the good, the bad, and the ugly in this life, and I trust You to continue to sustain me. Help me to listen to Your voice and promises, even when the world’s voice is screaming at me. Please guard my heart as I choose to believe in Your promises. In Jesus name, Amen.